MY FAMILY

2010. New year.It was excited on the first day of new year.Not just because it was holiday on 1 Jan. New year also means new hope, new life, new challenge and a new me.I had thought a lot, about my future, about my studies and about my dreams.And I missed my family. The last time I went back was on May last year. For my sister wedding. Time past by so fast. Its been half years, away from my family, away from my hometown, away from the people I close with. All the memories flashed in my mind.It was not sweet memories, actually.I felt guilt towards my parent, my family.

During my childhood, I am a 'good kid' in front of my parent and my relatives because I always obeyed to my parent and scored in my studies. As long as you score in studies, you are the good kid, right? But I am not a responsible brother. Especially to my youngest brother. He was 6 years younger than me. As an older brother, I should help and take care of my youngest brother. But I didn't. We always fought. And he always injured badly. The bad thing is I never learn from mistakes.I shouldn't behave like that. And now I always feel guilt towards my youngest brother. I love him. I really do. During my high school time, my attitude changed. Of course not the good changes. I stole other people belongings just because they stole mine too. I fought with others because I don't like the Bumis. But I still able to be the prefect and I am a good student in teachers eyes. How satire it is. And at home, I always felt that my parent didn't love me. They love my other siblings more.Of course the fact is they love me more than others.But the eyes of my heart was blind.I can't see or feel their love. I always blames others but I never thought that I am the one who should responsible for this because i am selfish and self-center.
Thanks GOD. HE saved me and changed me during my undergrad's life. I still remembered during my 3nd year, the Chinese new year,it was the most meaningful new year celebration because for the first time I felt that my house was so warm.Is love. I love my parents, my family. GOD have changed me from inside. No one will love us more than our own family members.Except for GOD.
I really hope that after my master I can go back to Miri, back to my family side. Many of my beloved family members haven't accept Christ yet. But I really don't know which way is the right one. Pray that GOD will show me the way:)