神 让我懂得珍爱家人

< Here is the article that I have sent to a e-magazine. Its also my testimony,what I have been experience, the amazing things that GOD had done in my life.Its a miracle in my eyes. Hope this article can be a courage to you who read this. GOD love us. All of us. HE loves who we are.>

2010 新的一年又来到了。新的一年意味着新的开始，新的生活，新的方向，新的展望。每年的年尾，都特别的期待新年的到来。但新年一来到反而有些紧张忧心，因为担心没能把握新的一年，又再次让新的一年白白从指缝间溜走了。六年来，每年的新年都身在异乡。虽然孤身在外留学，这些事是免不了的，但其实心里还是希望能回家过年，能有多些时间陪陪家人。

未信主前，我并不懂得珍惜我的家人。我一直都觉得我的父母并不爱我，兄弟姐妹讨厌我，这些误解令我吃了不少苦，也白白浪费了好多可以与家人相处的美好时光。从小，我拼命的啃书，把玩乐的时间都花在书本上，只为了得到父母的肯定，赞美。但我的父母是传统，典型的华人，非常的含蓄，所有的爱都不懂得表达出来。我也很难能得到父母的赞美，奖励，反而影响深刻的是当我考不好时，父母非常的不开心，甚至还会埋怨。所以在上大学之前，我的人生目标就只是读书考试，课业是我的全部。我不懂得跟人相处，更不懂得爱人。我只觉得我不需要任何人的帮助，我自己一个人已足够。这份骄傲随着年龄的增长而愈加的澎湃，但内心其实是孤独的。内心始终觉得缺少一些东西，不管怎么努力空虚的感觉永远如影随形，填不满，拿不掉。那就是爱。过分的自我为中心已令我不再懂得如何爱人，也不懂得回应身边的人给与的关爱。

从小学到中学，在父母，亲戚朋友，甚至乎学校老师面前，我都是个标准好学生。但这一切都只是表面，没有人明白知道我内心的丑陋与挣扎。在师长面前我是个尽责用功的好学生。但是真正的我并不讨人喜欢，因为我很自私。我深信一个原则，就是你对我好，我就对你好，你对我不好，我一定奉还甚至会迁怒到其他人身上。我只懂得以牙还牙，并不懂得以爱来包容这一切。现在回想起来，觉得以前的想法很愚蠢。我时常偷窃，只因为别人偷我的财物在先。我也时常欺诈，殴斗，争执。但在老师们眼中我还是个好学生，甚至还被推荐为学长，去管理学生。真的非常的讽刺。这也令我一直拼命的伪装自己，带上虚假的面具。当然这些刻意的伪装并不能拯救我自己，只不过将我逼入另一个死巷。我孤独，痛苦，流泪，又能向谁哭诉呢？我的家人也不能帮到我，因为我甚至连我至亲的家人也并不信任。一个戴惯面具的人又怎么会选择相信他人呢？


我与家人的关系并不因着年龄的增长而有所改善，至少在上大学前我还如迷失的羔羊，在茫茫又忙忙的生活中，忘了也忽略了最宝贵的礼物就在我的身边。我总是羡慕朋友的家庭，看到他们一家和气融融，热热闹闹的用餐，彼此争执，吵闹但温馨。看到这一切，我就更加的讨厌自己的家。中学时我寄宿在学校的宿舍，放假时宁愿选择住在朋友家也不想回家。父母从不曾说过什么，但现在回想，当时的我肯定伤透他们的心。在父母心中最期望的当然是与孩子们聚在一起，吃饭谈天，这才是天伦之乐。固执的我，将家人的爱挡在我的心门外，还怨天怨地，埋怨为何自己没有一个美满的家庭。父母不爱我吗？不是，相反，他们最疼爱的就是我了。还记得小学时，我第一次考试考到第一名，妈妈就奖励我一颗巧克力糖。别小看这颗糖，当时的家境，买糖是很奢侈的。还有，小时候很喜欢偷东西，父亲知道了一定鞭打责骂，但母亲每次都护着我，总是一次又一次苦口婆心的劝我。有一次，我偷钱被发现了，我偷偷放回去，骗妈妈说捡到的，妈妈笑笑没说什么。这么幼稚的骗话怎么可能会有人相信？我的母亲选择相信，我当时还沾沾自喜，以为自己骗过家人了。实在可笑。在我被理大录取时，父母二话不说就拿出两千块给我。对我的家人来说这可是很大笔的钱，都是他们的血汗钱，我二哥上大学时都没拿到这么多钱。父母是很爱我的。但，当时的我怎么就是看不见，感觉不到？

感谢神，他并没离弃我，这一切他都看在眼里。在大学，神使用不同的人来改变我的价值观，特别是会兴学长。他因着爱主的心，带领我查经，并屡次用圣经的话语解答我心中的疑问。恭辉学长也经常关心我的生活需要，令我虽远在异乡却倍感温馨。还有很多教会的朋友，学长经常邀请我参与团契，崇拜。他们每个人的生命见证都深深打动我的心。虽然我在高中一时我已经受洗，但我的心并不完全接受基督教。心中还有很多疑问没有得到解答，困扰挣扎了很久。我深受佛教思想的影响，许多根深蒂固的思想很难摆脱。但上帝帮助我，他赐给我信心，改变我顽固的心。大二，我踏出第一步，参加团契，参加崇拜。也是第一次在教会感觉到人间的温暖。这个感觉来得很奇怪，也没有很多来跟你说话，关心你，但一踏入教会就觉得很温暖，舒服，好像回到老家一样。上帝的灵在动工，触动我的心。这也是我第一次感受到爱，上帝以他的大能，他的爱破开我顽梗的心，让我能再次以不一样的心去看这个世界。这个世界其实很可爱，美好的。跟人相处虽然复杂，但令我们的生命充满色彩。跟人的关系是这样，跟上帝的关系也是。我已忘了自己何时开始学习珍惜我的家人，唯一能说的就是这是上帝的恩典。我并没特别努力去改变，但上帝明白我的需要，他改变了我的心。哈里路亚。印像深刻的是大三那年的新年，我是以一颗感恩的心去迎接新的一年，那一年的新年，我觉得家特别温暖，家人特别可爱，可亲。现在回想起来，那份感动仍历历在目，深刻印在内心深处。当初选大学时，我是怀着私心，希望能去一间大学是远离家乡的，越远越好。但神总能将不好的事情成就他美好的旨意。我因着来到这所大学，生命得到改变，这是我始料不及的。这就是神的智慧。生命中有爱是多么美好的事情。

箴言23二十二 这么说 你要听从生你的父亲；你母亲老了，也不可藐视她。二十四节也这么说 你要使父母欢喜，使生你的快乐。父母是上帝赐我们最好的礼物。他们的爱是无条件的。从我们出生到我们长大，他们对我们的爱都没改变。在他们眼中我们永远都是长不大的孩子。神也说要孝敬父母。多花些时间陪陪家人，这是值得花的投资。学习珍惜当下，永远不嫌迟。

What does FRIENDSHIP means to you?

FRIENDSHIP is a complicated relationship, for me.For some people FRIENDSHIP can be as simple as breathing,it is so naturally to mix with others;but for me is not that simple.For this six years university life, I had changed a lot, at least in how handling relationship,but still not good enough. At least for now. Sometimes I feel so hard to communicated with others, and it is nothing to do with age,generation gaps or what so ever. For example in a gathering, everyone so happy and excited and busy with chatting, but I can feel so lonely and isolated because I don't know how to talk and how to mix with them. I am weird in this sense, this is who I am.

Six years ago, I am so quite and trapped myself in my tiny world.I do not know what is FRIENDSHIP,the only thing matters to me is how to survive by my strength. My life is so hard and lonely.The only thing benefits me is I wont get hurt from others because I close to no one. We wont get hurt from someone not close to us right? What others done to me, I have no feeling because I never treat them as friend. I immune to all of quarrels and misunderstandings. Does this make my life better? No. IT IS NOT.IT MAKES MY LIFE WORSE.Remember iron sharpens iron. In friendship, although always fulls with misunderstandings,fight,arguments and disagree.But all this make us know how to communicate,tolerate,accept each others and love each others. In friendship we can learn from each others, building up each others. Human nature is only learn something when they fall down or get hurt. We always need to feel and test it then only willing to accept it. That's what I experienced it.

Thanks to GOD that HE change my life. It is a wonderful things HE interrupts my life because it makes my life better than before. Now, six year later I do change. I finally start try to make frineds with others. And it is fun and really is a blessing to have friends in our life.But it is still not good enough, because a lot of things happens and I don't know how to handle it. Relationship is complicated things. Get to know a friend is so nice; but lose a friend is so hurt, may be will be thorn or deep hurt for lifetime. May be friendship is not to own him/she, but is to understand him/her. We cannot be selfish in the FRIENDSHIP. We need to love our friends just as we love ourself.

What does FRIENDSHIP means to you? And what does it means by FRIENDS? Someone who can you called when you upset? or someone who can called when you need transportation? or they just someone pass by in your lifetime journey?

FRIENDs can have many forms.There are friends who you close with and not close with. FRIENDS can be those you ARE not close with who you just know their names,those who you meet often but you are not close with them(HI-BYE FREINDS),those you talk a lot and quite close but you cant touch their heart,those who always looking for your help but didn't meet with them often, those you treat as FRIENDS but they didn't really treats you as FRIENDS,those can share to each others and building up each others( GOOD FRIENDS). AND finally, for good friends,they can be still good friends even cant meeting up quite often or relationship just vanish due to time and distance. One friend of mine told me that,some friends you will remember them when you urgently need help; some friends you will think of them when you want to have events or celebration;some friends you will not think of them at all until you saw them( pity to them). FRIENDSHIP can be simple also can be very complicated, right? Actually I found out something that is very interesting,no one teach or told us how to make friend or maintain the relationship;but somehow we all knows how to do it by ourself. It really is a blessing. We also don't know how to memorize thing, we just know it. Thanks GOD for that. If we don't have the ability to memorize, how trouble it is for our life. GOD is a blessing GOD. HE really give us even we didn't ask.HE just prepare for us. Thanks GOD. Hallelujah. Amen.

I don't have much friends, but I treasure every friends I met. For me, friends are those who I can talk and share to. Or in other words,we can touch each hearts.How? By sharing. Sharing makes us close to each other. But this also leads me to another problems where I don't know how to communicate with others during gathering or public discussions when many people participate in the conversation. I just will feel blur, confuse and uncomfortable when having 'mix conversation'. Yes, I don't know how to handle this. And I am very quite because I don't know what to do.This is what I need to learn and overcome.

And honestly, I really don't like people called me 'quite''masam muka' or other words that bring the same meanings. It make me feel bad.It really hurts. May be they just saying a joke or something, but it hurts me anyway. It just like if you slapped someone, you cannot just say this is a joke and everything end peacefully. Cannot be right? So if you treat me as your friend, please stop saying those words that hurts me deeply. It is even worse if come from someone used to be my friend. And If I done wrong to you, forgive me and let me know. I don't know unless you told me.